Somehow
by sailorsweetart
Summary: Takano was always the one to blame when Ritsu found himself in a situation like this. When he didn't know what he really wanted and when he was left so conflicted. One-shot.


**Alright, I know exactly what you're thinking. Jen, why are you not working on your other three stories? I'll tell you why. Because _Sekaiichi Hatsukoi_ is freaking amazing. No, it's spectacular. **

**Now, I could just rant on what makes it so amazing, but then the author note would be longer than the actual story. So, I don't own _Sekaiichi Hatsukoi_.**

* * *

Onodera Ritsu sat on the flooring of his apartment, clutching his head between his hands. A string of incoherent obscinities tumbled past his lips, cursing at nothing but the confusion he felt. His only comprehdible thoughts consisted of _why_'s and _how_'s.

Why was this happening? Or more importantly, why was he _letting_ this happen? How many times had he promised himself he wouldn't allow it? How often did he silently vow that this _couldn't _happen? It had been a long time since Ritsu lost count.

It was all _his _doing, that he could barely think straight, that his chest and mind were aching. He recognized the damn feeling. It had always been his doing, hadn't it?

It wasn't the end of the cycle. It was, quite ironically, the beginning. He wasn't supposed to be suffering from insomnia. He was not supposed to be under the amount insane of stress as he was. He was supposed to be savoring precious sleep hours before they were hard to grasp. Ritsu was supposed to be chipper, eager for work, and all together the exact opposite fo his current state.

He certainly wasn't supposed to be spending his night thinking about the editor-in-chief.

Ritsu slowly let his head slip from between his fingers, before gradually lifting his gaze to stare ahead. Stare at the wall that concealed the being that was the center of his thoughts.

_Stupid Takano-san. _His boss was always the one to blame when Ritsu found himself in a situation like this. When he didn't know what he really wanted and when he was left so conflicted.

It really was all Takano's fault. It was _Takano's _touches that gathered painful memories from the back of Ritsu's mind. It was _Takano's_ kisses that always drugged him into submission. The younger man refused to pin even a portion of the blame to himself.

He tried so hard not to think about him. But how could he not? Dreaming of the past, coming home, at the office... He constantly hung around him. Even when he tried to dive into his work and forget about his surroundings, he was reminded he'd have to get his boss' approval.

In more ways than one, Takano was everywhere.

Ritsu had also tried to convince himself he didn't enjoy the fact that he couldn't escape him.

But he had begun surprising himself as of late. His protests had lost their usual bite. He wasn't pushing his boss away as much. He was even beginning to be... willing, almost.

It was certainly a shock to him, considering that whenever he devoted himself to something, he always kept his word, one way or another. Hell, even Takano complimented him on that quality on several occasions.

So why did Ritsu feel like he was lying to himself? It was like he was falling without getting his own permission.

Dazed, he pushed himself to his feet, and began shuffling to his bedroom. As he moved though, it felt like he was in a dream-like state. He was so conflicted almost _nothing _seemed real at this point.

Numbly, he eyed his apartment. It wasn't clean _at all_. While he was busy thinking he should've been cleaning. _Stupid Takano-san. _Why was he putting him through all this?

_Maybe, _Ritsu thought as he cleared off his bed, _maybe __it is my fault too._ It _was_ his fault a decade ago when he confessed. It was his fault for letting his pride get the best of him and forced himself to change companies. It was his fault for not switching departments, when the option was constantly open.

Ritsu crawled onto his bed, and slipped beneath the covers. He closed his green eyes tiredly, curious as to _how_ the editor-in-chief managed to get what he wanted.

Because, somehow, Onodera Ritsu had fallen in love again.

* * *

**I am beyond nervous about posting this. Because I've never written a yaoi, never written a one-shot, and am terrified. So, please, be nice. Don't hate.**

**Review please!**

_**SS**_


End file.
